Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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