Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Soap is not a condiment
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
