hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
