So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
