I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
