My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
