Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
