We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize