I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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