My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
