We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
