I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
