Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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