6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
