YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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