Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i love accidental penises.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Terrible idea I love it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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