I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
