I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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