Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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