i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
