I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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