ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
