I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
