Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
