Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize