it was like eating out sand paper
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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