Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
