You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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