I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
