About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
