Plan B is the new Plan A
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
