My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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