The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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