Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
