If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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