my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
