Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
