how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
