Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
