But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
