my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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