Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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