I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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