HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
