I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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