This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
