You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
