I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
