someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
