The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
