I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
