yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize