I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
