so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
