What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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