During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
