I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
