it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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