Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
